August 19, 2013

charles dickens quote on the inhumanity of imprisonment






I believe that very few men are capable of estimating the immense amount of torture and agony which this dreadful punishment, prolonged for years, inflicts upon the sufferers. . . . I hold this slow and daily tampering with the mysteries of the brain, to be immeasurably worse than any torture of the body: and because its ghastly signs and tokens are not so palpable to the eye and sense of touch as scars upon the flesh; because its wounds are not upon the surface, and it extorts few cries that human ears can hear; therefore I the more denounce it, as a secret punishment which slumbering humanity is not roused up to stay.

-quote by charles dickens, after he saw the Eastern State Penitentiary, in Philadelphia while visiting America in 1842.



August 18, 2013

hopelessly warm






mid-afternoon, saturday at the bookstore, busy. sunny & warm. a man approaches the counter. he is alone. does that sound or seem ominous? men who are alone, what does that mean? what does that suggest? and does it have to? he is clean cut, meaning cut clean, as if the razor took more than hair, as if a knife could cut the dirt away from you, could cut you clean, couldn't it? the man has a book, exactly one, that he would like to purchase and places it on the counter neatly, his eyes sharp, meeting mine. i often have difficulty reeling people into the transaction, groping into a fog with simple questions trying to pull them out of where they aren't and into what's happening here. so it's notable when people make 
eye contact and his wasn't really friendly but wasn't really rude. i noticed the book had something to do with sex & men, though i tried not to look too closely. i sensed that he just wanted to get the transaction over with, so i didn't try to chat him up. unfortunately, i tried so hard to be cool & casual that i started to feel self-conscious about it, which made me feel nervous, and unfortunately, i often smile when i'm nervous, and when i sensed the smile i rushed to complete the transaction while simultaneously suppressing the weed poking through the cracks in my face, concerned that it would be misinterpreted as finding the subject matter of the book humorous, which i really don't care about at all, which also is untrue. afterwards, i turned to the young woman cashiering beside me and told her that i just had a transaction with someone who bought a book of sexual nature and that i tried to be cool but then i felt self-conscious about trying so hard to be cool. but then i noticed that she looked a little uncomfortable as i hurried to explain this in between transaction and i thought, oh no...




August 12, 2013

in manus tuas



Awake mine eyes, see Phoebus bright arising,
and lesser lights to shades obscure descending:
Glad Philomela sits tunes of joy devising,
whilst in sweet notes, from warbling throats,
the sylvan choir with like desire
to her are echoes sending.

Psalms, Songs, and Sonnets, 1611 William Byrd













we arrive inside, standing pew only
invisible voices begin to blow 
vowels over our backs to them 
renaissance vibrations spider from 
one skull side to the other. 
mea culpa, mea culpa, 
mea maxima culpa, this is my fault, 
my most grievous fault
noctem quietam, dominus omnipotens
my not so quiet night has not yet met its perfect end
the devil who is your enemy, not the devil who is your friend, 
the devil then who is your fiend 
and not your friend, 
beato, beato, vitam aeternam, 
blessed, blessed, everlasting life
that i do understand
in manus tuas, into thy hands, 
sub umbra alarum tuarum protege nos,
protect us beneath the shadow of thy wings, 
toes tangled in tingling, in throes, i cannot feel 
my frozen roots from way up high here in the tone 
clouds, we sway with the latinate phrase, skeleton 
arranged for the most efficient hang 
of muscle from bone, my chest is a sail, 
my spirit blown, door open wide, gulping cedar scents, 
this gift that must be calculated in the middle of a most ancient hour, 
as sunlight, defeated, slides down the ornate glass, as a million 
suns swallow its fractured colors, 
and with it you remember 
enduring a child's unendurable ceremony, 
this way, for this long 
you become an effigy of feeling, rehearsing the saint, 
again pounding the nails into your own customized cross, 
as a child once did, as a child was taught to always obey, 
to suppress the question
until you can hold it firmly in your hands 
until you can safely tie it around your weeping rose, 
tightened until the blood sings like a brilliant old recusant 
spared by a beneficent queen, while the oarsmen row, 
dressed in suit & tie, dipping a netted oar 
into the pew to catch whatever fell from our wallets 
in mid-song, in mid-psalm, 
nailed to the floor of a beached ashore ship, 
are you a tourist, visiting what you were? 
tossing to the waveful music of a man who lived 
long enough to be forgotten while his sail still caught 
wind, breathing, once upon a time ago, a dry quill 
retired beside a noteful page. 

so here we are, 

standing inside the forbidding place, together & apart, as precise as feet, 
always on your way to something, but never someone 
surrounded by roses, stoned toward sky, 
heart scooped out and filled with ah, 
the flesh here is fresh, the muse muscled, the eyes 
closed to seal the sound which circulates on a loop 
from heart to head, 
from head to heart, 
never touching the earth, 
the sky choir sings in secreto, 
in manus tuas, into thy hands, 
in manus tuas, their lips deliver the song, 
et cum spiritu tuo, 
and with thy spirit, 
we are tied together.












August 5, 2013

mating theater




http://www.flickr.com/photos/drewish/7764499/



on a mission for unconditional chocolate 
icecream marches me across the wednesday 
evening street as the dark o'clock people 
have been released from the pavement's 
prison, retained, like the day's heat, within 

an island of concrete. 

the plaid pantry on the corner, with its wide 
florescent tongue, swipes stars from the night, 
it chums the black ocean above with its bright 
neon blood. it is a mecca summons the down 
& thirsty to kneel before its stupendous

box of glow. 

pack of clean-cut polo-shirted twenty-
somethings huddle in the parking lot, 
plotting their next misadventure. those
suburbanites have infested the neighborhood, 
barking from cars, peeing on our walls, 

they snapped 

the trance of craving this sleeper agent has been 
activated to fulfill, when i notice them 
pointing at an enormous bug, ambling 
on the asphalt past the spray-tanned 
girls, all shrill & pink, as  their backward 

capped boys flex 

for them, gesticulating at the oblivious 
insect, beaverton apparently bereft, as i 
wonder what it looks like from the bug's 
perspective, what it must be like to crawl 
across a parking lot, furrowed & cracked, 

pimpled with menacing 

dunes, as if picking its way across 
the acne scarred face of midnight itself-  
sixteen steps and just seconds must be 
an epic journey for an insect who may 
very well exert the equivalent of 

a year of its life 

just to navigate the vast span of 
a parking lot, not that it wanted to, but 
simply because it had the lousy luck of 
meandering into a desert, without food 
or map, seduced by the promise of 

exotic light, hoping 

something to eat presents itself 
along the way, and maybe meet other 
bugs, and perhaps get laid, not unlike 
those kids from beaverton, partying 
in the city on a weekday evening, 

"fuckin' cockroach!" 

one yells, theatrically stomping on 
the bug winces me as i walk by and tug 
on the dull metallic bar i should push
pulling myself into the dismal 
disco of 

titillated light.




http://www.flickr.com/photos/sea-turtle/325125263/


August 2, 2013

washing as if wanting





washing as if wanting 
to be uncovered, un-
lidded your eyes already met 
smile's beginning scissored 
across its tousled 
bangs you 
turned from but 
did not turn from 

light
lit 
you 

but did not stop arriving on 
your cat waiting shadow porch 
hands full with washed what's 
gets open the blue, lets 

let the water  
lilies bloom


August 1, 2013

as if blossoming could cherry







bloodless pulls 
this budding me 
up from wanting 
to fall from cloud 
or sleeveless tree
extends an arm 
over the lunar 
surface studded 
along its length with
diminutive 
lime claws unclasp
its being 
whole, suspended 
in the offer
waiting for what 
licks the bright 
blooms catching 
the question spikes 
green roses roused, 
concealing stolen 
breath would be 
quiet is cawful-

trees burst pink 
as if blossoming could 
cherry





cockblocked at the cash register?





today during a break in cashiering i told the other cashier that i had a line from the billy joel song, "pressure" stuck in my head. the line goes, "all your life is channel thirteen, what does it mean, what does it mean." actually, i didn't remember the sesame street part in between thirteen & what does it mean. it's been a long time. the cashier, whose name rhymes with sigh, looked me straight in the eye and stated flatly, "it means you need a girlfriend." i was taken aback. i waited for him to smile. i waited for the joke. i turned and walked back to my cash register. i told the young woman cashiering next to me about the song in my head. she told me about her friend skipping  past an 80's station and how she insisted on keeping it there for the song, "take me home tonite" which she considered a not-so-bad 80's song, and then sang the chorus to me. then suddenly, the man whose name rhymes with sigh jumped in and informed us the bret michaels has a tv show about restoring RVs and that the guy who did ice, ice baby has a show about fixing up homes. then the young woman & the man whose name rhymes with sigh began snapping their fingers in unison while chanting ice, ice baby and the woman who was checking out at my register started rolling her shoulders and then the young woman cashier pointed at the guy whose name rhymes with sigh and demanded he rap and he began to rap the song and do a little dance move. i am remembering this at home, in my bathroom, after dropping a whole roll of toilet paper in the bowl. do i need a girlfriend? i look outside the little window, noticing how the fog & mist are beginning to shroud the morrison bridge. it's been awhile since the street was wet like this, and i think to myself, need is an awfully strong word. need? how about, it would be nice or strategically advantageous? but need? and then it hits me - have i been walking around all this time looking like a guy who needs a girlfriend, NEEDS A GIRLFRIEND! and both, not knowing i need a girlfriend and simultaneously unaware that everyone else is looking at me as THE GUY WHO NEEDS A GIRLFRIEND!


All your life is Channel 13Sesame StreetWhat does it mean?PressureDon't ask for helpYou're all alonePressureYou'll have to answerTo your ownPressure