tired. depleted. crushed. whelmed over. searching for synonyms of rout (a disorderly retreat of defeated troops. thanks!) nauseous morning with a terrible migraine. the newer cashier flaunted her ignorance, as if trying to impress with the sheer quantity of questions. rebuilding immaculate castles of books, again & again with each oblivious jacketed wave. if only my hands could absorb their content. people keep walking behind me to ask my back for help, which sends me to the bathroom to check my face. what's that carnival game, where they shoot the placid ducks floating back & forth? fled for lunch to the handmade asian noodle cart run by a husband & wife, the husband leaning out the window, eating a skinned apple. he made eye contact, bowed slightly, and smiled when i approached. i ordered my usual tofu veggie noodles and he got started cooking while his wife, who was sitting on a stool in the back gulping down noodles, got up to take the money. she made eye contact, bowed slightly, and smiled thank you. every time i go there i feel humbled by their sincerity. they genuinely appreciate that i keep coming back, and the honesty of that appreciation makes me feel human again. after lunch, i try & fail to shovel my way out of an avalanche of transactions, mind so mush by the end i am nearly giving away money. i survive & scurry away to the math section to lick my damaged equations. i step out the door at five completely frazzled, staring incoherently up at the pearl's neon towers, unsure if i can handle grocery shopping. a coworker jerks me from my reverie with a departing farewell, strolling past arm-in-arm with another coworker. dating now, i think. dating again, actually, which would explain the recent chilliness, hmm. i brave wholepaycheck for groceries, miss the bus, and decide to walk instead. i look up at the neon again after resigning myself to the long walk and misread a sign in a window that does not say:
OFTEN.
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